About «hugs», «own boundaries», «respect» for a teenager and about their «self-esteem»

The topic of teenagers, their emotional state, relationships is very multifaceted. Here we will focus on hugs, personal boundaries, respect and self-esteem.
At first glance, “self-esteem” is how you evaluate yourself. Yes, but not really, because the formation of self-esteem is influenced by the opinions of those around you, the opinions of those with whom you spend time, the opinions of those with whom you communicate!
Such a paradox!
At the stage of forming a teenager’s self-esteem, the attitude of parents and the closest environment is very important.

Pay attention to how you support the child? How often do you tell them the phrases: “I love you!”, “I believe in you!”, “Everything will work out!” etc.?
Do they only hear constant notes and criticism? It often happens that while growing up, children do not want to hug their relatives. They react sharply to attempts of their relatives to cuddle them, hug them, kiss them. And especially when they try to hug them in front of their friends.

There may be several reasons for this:

* First, the child may simply not be tactile.
* Secondly, the child may feel inside
negative emotions towards the person hugging them (anger, resentment, hatred).
* Thirdly, teenagers consider themselves already adults. And when they are hugged, especially in the presence of witnesses, it causes a protest, a feeling of weakness.

When raising a child, rather an important aspect for the relatives to remember is to respect the limits and boundaries of the child. After all, this is the only way a child learns to build these boundaries in the future. It is also very important to remember that you should not forcefully “love” and at the same time indulge in anger and scold the child for something. Еspecially at the moment when the child moves away (separates) from the parental home.

Respect for a child is to knock before entering a teenager’s room. Instead of unceremoniously breaking into their space and exclaiming something like: “You live in my house and here you must obey my rules!”, or: “My parent’s family didn’t have this and I won’t do that either!”, or: ” I myself didn’t do that and I won’t let you do that!”
If we, parents, relatives, respect the child, he /she will learn to do the same with others. The child will have the courage to say “no” in adulthood. After all, the child will be clearly aware of their personal limits and boundaries and at the same time will respect others.

It is through rather simple things — through our adult relationship to someone or with someone, to something and with something — that a teenager’s self-esteem is formed.
Establishing a strong bond with your child is very important! And you need to work on this from the very birth of a child. So that in adolescence, when teenagers are “stormed”, “hormones are raging”, and children start moving away (separate from home), you, as parents, will not lose authority, and your child can still find support and unconditional love from you! So that in this teenage “storm” you will prove to be the support your child could lean on during this difficult time for everyone!

Olena Gerzhenii, psychologist, Gestalt consultant.